He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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