her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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