i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
