I'm eating all of the evidence.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
