she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
