is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
