so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
of course. lets lasso hookers.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
