it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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