Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
