Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
