god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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