You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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