Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
50% drunk capacity currently
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
