do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
