never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
