soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
