i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
