this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
