She is in my trunk
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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