i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize