I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
