I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
