I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
