He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
