oh god the rape fog is back!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
