3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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