someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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