this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
