Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
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Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
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Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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