In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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