he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
my liver is dry heaving
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
