arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
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Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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