I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
