and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
