The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
