I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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