So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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