apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
