I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
