I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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