I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
