maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
