I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
