if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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