Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
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