I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
