If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
