I think I won the penis lottery.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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