I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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