Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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