just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
