I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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