I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
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Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
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Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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