Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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