I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
