I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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