I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
