remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Randomize
