I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
MIDGETS
????
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
