what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
