mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
worst night to have a conscience
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
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My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
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Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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