Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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